I think this is the time to stop holding too much. Too much burdens and worries crowding in and this habit needs to be broken even this day. Girl, I really want you to surrender this shit right this moment this time and stop taking it back up. I want you to deny every thought that kills you; I want you to deny every feeling that breaks you, every suspicion that corrodes your being, every single little thing that ruins you. From this moment, enjoy. All around you is good :)